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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26514649">Conflict Diamonds</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/EldritchSandwich/pseuds/EldritchSandwich'>EldritchSandwich</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>DC United [11]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Batman - All Media Types, DCU</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Banter, Domestic Fluff, F/F, Fluffy Sandwich, Gen, Las Vegas Wedding, Shopping, Wedding Fluff, Wedding Rings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 03:34:07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>990</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26514649</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/EldritchSandwich/pseuds/EldritchSandwich</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Batman catches Harley Quinn in the middle of a jewelry store robbery...or not.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Harleen Quinzel &amp; Bruce Wayne, Pamela Isley &amp; Selina Kyle &amp; Harleen Quinzel, Pamela Isley/Harleen Quinzel, Selina Kyle/Bruce Wayne</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>DC United [11]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1964518</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>193</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Conflict Diamonds</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Okay. So I can see how, at first glance, this might look pretty bad."</p><p>Batman just glared at her flatly, then leaned to the side to make it very clear he was looking at the two jewelry store employees duct-taped to the wall. She winced.</p><p>"Okay, so I can see how at second glance—"</p><p>"Harley."</p><p>"I'm not robbing the place!" His flat glare didn't change. "I'm not! I was gonna pay! But the second I walk in chicky-poo there screams, security guard draws his gun, what was I supposed to do?"</p><p>"Leave. Explain. Surrender. Literally anything but knock them out and duct tape them to the wall."</p><p>"Okay. Okay, that's fair."</p><p>Batman let out a breath that almost had enough volume and weariness to be a sigh, but not quite. "What were you going to buy?"</p><p>Harley fidgeted, eyes dropping to the ugly off-white carpet and hand awkwardly rubbing her arm. "Well...a ring." Her eyes flicked up for a moment. "For Ivy."</p><p>It was hard to tell with the mask, but it almost looked like Batman's eyes widened, just a little. He was silent for a while longer, then just went with "You're...getting married."</p><p>Harley winced. "Well, that's the thing. We sort of...already are?" Batman just kept looking at her, which as per usual she took as an invitation to keep talking. "It was a couple weeks ago, we were in Vegas for...legal, plausibly deniable reasons." Batman frowned flatly, and Harley coughed. "Anyway, we were celebrating after, we passed one of those little Elvis chapels, and...well, we just kinda said 'why the hell not?'" Batman didn't visibly react, and Harley tilted her head. "Selina was our witness, I'm kinda surprised she didn't tell you."</p><p>"She doesn't tell me what you three get up to. And I don't ask."</p><p>Harley let out a sigh of relief. "Oh, that's good. So you don't know about the—"</p><p>"The Silveretti warehouse job?" Harley's face fell. "Yes, I do. Just not because she told me."</p><p>"Damn!" When Batman's expression still didn't change, Harley sighed. "I'm trying to be a better person, B-Man. I really am." She glanced back at the floor, a shy smile tugging at the corner of her mouth. "She...makes me feel like I can be a better person."</p><p>Batman sighed. "I'll cut down the security guard, you cut down the clerk." As Batman pulled a batarang from his belt and stepped over toward the counter, Harley followed. "Now. What kind of stone were you thinking about?"</p>
<hr/><p>"GCPD, hands in the...air..."</p><p>Renee Montoya lowered her gun in confusion as she took in the sight in front of her: Batman, Harley Quinn, and a very nervous-looking young saleswoman hunched over a display case while a heavyset security guard glared at them from over a cup of coffee. They all turned to look at her.</p><p>"Detective," Batman said with a faint nod. "You can stand down, it's being handled."</p><p>Renee blinked. "Uh...yeah. Okay." She holstered her gun and stepped back toward the door, only for Harley to point at her.</p><p>"Oh, wait! You're gay, right Montoya? And you work with your hands a lot? Maybe we should bring her in on this."</p><p>Renee blinked, but off Batman's nod she stepped forward. As she did, Batman looked at Harley.</p><p>"Explain one thing. If you weren't planning to rob this place...why did you have duct tape?"</p><p>Harley just shrugged. "I'm shopping. We ran out."</p>
<hr/><p>Selina Kyle lounged by Wayne Manor's swimming pool in a low-cut black one piece, in a fashion that suggested lounging was what she'd been put on this earth to do. She didn't look up when the manor's owner dropped down into the lounge chair next to hers. "Is there some rule against telling me when you're coming over?"</p><p>Selina smiled, adjusting her position so she could drape her bare legs across his knees. "Yes. The rule is that it makes it less fun."</p><p>Bruce shook his head even as he obligingly reached down to rub her feet. "I know we have an understanding. You don't tell me about Sirens stuff, I don't ask. But come on. You could've at least told me about the wedding!"</p><p>Selina started to fidget, and not just because Bruce had reached her sensitive arches. "Okay, well now...I know what you're going to say, but be fair, the FBI did most of the work and we just sort of tipped the balance, and even with Ivy doing the flowers we still barely turned a profit, and I mean wouldn't you rather have mafia families at each other's throats than..." She trailed off as she realized Bruce had stopped massaging. "I mean what wedding are you talking about?"</p><p>Bruce glared at her. "Harley and Ivy's. What wedding are you talking about?"</p><p>Selina blinked, then smiled innocently. "Nothing. No wedding. Literally, a wedding that ended up not happening for reasons that honestly only had a little to do with us, so I don't think you could really consider us culpable in any legal or moral sense." Bruce frowned, and she leaned forward to pat his hand. "Don't worry your pretty little head about it."</p><p>Bruce sighed. "Uh-huh."</p><p>Selina fell quiet. When Bruce started rubbing again, she licked her lips. "They deserve it." Bruce glanced at her. "Harley and Ivy, I mean. After everything they've been through, they deserve to be happy."</p><p>"I agree."</p><p>Selina leaned back, slipping her sunglasses down from her hair. "Well, if you really agree, you should get them a wedding present. I think 'gently used Batmobile' is on their registry."</p><p>"Well, as much fun as I'm sure that would be for me, I think they'll just have to be content with a fondue pot."</p><p>Selina pouted. "Cheapskate."</p><p>"How do you think I got rich?" Bruce deadpanned.</p><p>Selina laughed. As Bruce continued to rub her feet she stretched out, laid back, and decided to take a quick catnap.</p>
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